Untitled Life.

Diary of a fangirl.

2012-01-15T07:02:00.000-08:00

01/13/2012

This was the first time that I attended a fan signing event. Thanks to Ze:a for making me do this. Hoho~ It is such a beautiful day that me and my friend were counted from the first 100 people to arrive Glorietta.

I couldn't say much of what happened. All I wanted to say is that, OH MY GOD! I HAVE GOTTEN CLOSER TO THEM. SMILED AT THEM WHILE THEY ARE SMILING AT ME BEFORE AND AFTER SIGNING. I WAS ABLE TO SAY "HELLO" AND "THANK YOU" TO THEM WHICH IS KIND OF HARD TO SAY TO IDOLS LIKE THEM.

What I love during that day was while they were performing, my bias, Dongjun, was like looking at me while singing and dancing. Well, yeah, it is kind of overacting and impossible but if you ask my friend, Dongjun is really like looking at us. Maybe it is because of his big eyes. I DON'T CARE. AT LEAST I FELT AS IF HE WAS LOOKING AT ME AND THAT HE WAS SINGING THE SONG TO ME.

Donjung Oppa was the first one to sign the album. Before signing, he looks at me in the eye for about 3 seconds and said "hello" or something else because I kind of didn't understand what he said. I said "hello" while looking at his eyes. It was the best 3 seconds of my life. Oh, wait, after signing, he looked again in my eyes and said "thank you" and smiled. I also said "thank you" then moved to the next member who was Hyunsik. And then moved until the last member, Kevin. After it, I was like, Did this really happened? Did I got an eye contact with them? Did Dongjun really smiled at me? OKAY, I'M CRAZY. I AM. DAMN CRAZY. LOL.

01/14/2012

Okay. Arrived at Market! Market at 7am. The first time I arrived at a mall that early. Hoho~ Wtf?!?! I just did that. Haha.

This time, we were included in the first 50 people who arrived the mall. Wow. Record breaking for me. Hoho~ This time, it was epic.

Though there were technical difficulties, the boys were still able to make us fans happy. And I am really happy for them for getting a lot of support from us. Hee hee~ :) Well, the best thing that I did during the event was I bought a neck pillow at blue magic for Dongjun. HAHA. It is sad to see me that time paying for something that was bought from Blue magic. Haha. Because I was the one who always receives a gift from blue magic but that time, I was the one buying a gift for someone who doesn't even know me. HAHA. Lol. Crazy shit. Haha. But anyways, it is okay. First time. :D

While the boys were saying their goodbyes to us, I know for sure that Dongjun was looking at me. I was looking at him at that time (well, actually, all the time. If I'm not looking at him, then I must be looking at Heechul :"> ), I was looking at him, gave a smile, AND THEN HE SMILED ALSO. I know for sure that he was looking at me. Other girls were busy calling their biases. HAHA. WHO CARES?!?! HE IS LOOKING AT ME! haha lol omg

Heechul also waved at us. BUT, of course, US. Not me. UGH. Lol. I know for a fact that they really won't notice just one of us. Tsk tsk! How I wish, Dongjun. Aigoo~ Hahah :>

Next time, for sure, I'll be present. :D

ZE:A FIGHTING!!! ^^

Pinky promises.

2012-01-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

Childish, yet still a promise to keep. A promise is still a promise. It should be kept forever. Breaking a promise is like telling the person you made a promise with that he or she could not trust you anymore. Powerful word, ain't it?

I don't know. Yeah, I did broke some promises. But now, I'm trying not to promise something that I know I cannot do. Yeah, seems like I'm making myself down but at least, I didn't do something that would make someone feel bad. I make promises into things that I know I can keep. I don't promise to people when I know I cannot do it for them. But at some time, I'm trying to do things that would make them happy.

Lately, there were people whom broke their promises to me. That's why I kind of felt bad for myself for trusting people like them. I know it's unfair to act like this but, I don't know. I got hurt. And I can't blame myself for acting like this now. I still believe in them, for some reasons. But not that 100% anymore, unlike before.

Sigh. Everytime I see these people I trusted, my mind is like, "Wow. I still can't believe that I trusted him/her. I want to be close to them still. But I'm having a hard time to go near them already.".

Trust.

2012-01-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

Easy to break, hard to earn. That's what they always say. Well, it's right. really right. Since I started college, I earn my trust so easily. Specially to 'guys'. When I was in high school, There were limited guyfriends I talk to, and they were just about 5 to 7 of them. Yes, very few. But most of the time, I talk to my bestfriends. And sometimes, I don't talk to anybody. LOL. Yeah, that was me four years ago. Since 2008, I started to have a lot of guyfriends because of my cool blockmates. But before I start college, I had my real first love. I mean, First love. Because there was this someone way back fourth year high school that I had a misunderstanding with. Oh, well.

Thanks to that 'guy' whom was my first love. He taught me that not all guys are what I call 'idiots'. Sorry. I just think about them like that. Hee hee. ^^

Well, there you go. Idiots. That's what I think about guys. Because everytime I see boys at school, all they do is tease us girls and say stupid things to us that make us feel bad. Specially us 'losers' when it comes to looks. Yeah, there are a lot of beautiful girls in our batch. But that doesn't mean that they are all deserving those freaking treatment from the guys. (I think this blog is making me much of a man-hater ㅋㅋㅋ)

Okay, back to the real topic... Trust. Wow. I can't believe I trust some guys so easily. Maybe friends, yes. But the other way around? Naaaa. It's different.

They say that you have to trust your partner when you are in a relationship. Well, they are not my partner but I trust in them. Specially the '3 years guy' and the 'first love guy'. I gave my trust to them. FULL. But because of a broken promise, the full became empty. The bottle of trust I gave to them became empty just because of a broken promise. The bottle of trust I gave to them became empty because of high expectations that led to disappointment and pain. Isn't this sad? ㅜㅜ

After that, I hated them a lot. HATE. Yeah. Very harsh. Sorry. But that's what I felt after those stuffs. It's like, I regretted the day I started trusting and believing guys. Well, I do still trust some of my guy family members. I don't know what happened. It's just that everything I earned, was just wasted.

I will still try to change this heart of mine. I mean, the trust thingy. I know there are other guys whom I can trust and believe. I know there are still some. And I hope they are just around me waiting for me to tell them things I cannot tell anybody else. Kudos! ^^

나는 항상 사랑에 실패합니다. 내가 언제 이길 것인가?

Happy days are here.

2011-12-10T09:40:00.001-08:00

December 10, 2011

At Shakey's, Makati Ave with the friends. To celebrate my --teenth birthday, I treated them dinner. We were 17 all in all. I mean, we were all 17 at Shakey's. Other dudes and gals were not visible at school during that night. Hoho~

I started the 10th of December with a tear on my face. Well, it's about past 12 midnight already. I thought I would spend the day with bad vibes on it. But luckily, it didn't. Mom was here. Had lunch together with the people in the house for the first time this December. Went to school to be with the friends. Did a little bit of the project on SQ with two of my groupmates. One was not at school yet and he was busy doing another project which I do understand. So, I did my part. They did their part.

While waiting for the others to finish their class, I took a nap. For about 20 to 25 minutes, I guess. I just had two hours of sleep which is not normal for me and not enough. So, I planned to take a nap during that time.

Then, here they come. And we're off to Makati Ave to eat our dinner. Walked till we reached Shakey's. Crews said that we should wait for about 30 to 45 minutes before we could get our seats and tables. Mike and I went outside to search for a place to eat if ever we can't stand waiting for 30 to 45 minutes. But sadly, we can't find one. So, we head back to Shakey's. And the friends just teased us. You know, 'green' teases. lol. But I didn't mind that. We all went upstairs and sat on the chairs. We were all so hungry so we were all excited to take a seat. Well, seating arrangement, there is. lol always. Having a seating arrangement in places is important. lol

We ate a lot. Laughed a lot. Took pictures. Joked a lot.

I love being around this people. And I somehow feel sorry for them whenever my mood changes.

They are all so good to me. I just love them all. Seriously.

A day that should be special...

2011-12-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

The 9th of December this year, I turned 20. Yes, I passed the teen years already and I should be starting to be an adult now. But it seems like this year, this day, it wasn't even special at all.

Well, yeah it became special because of those friends who greeted me through text, call, twitter and facebook. Close friends, they are. Because I hid my birthday on facebook just to see who are those who can remember my day. And I can see that hiding that was a big help for me to not like and comment on a lot of wall posts. LOL. Anyways, still, I wanna thank those people who were able to remember me on my day.

But it doesn't end there. One person whom I thought would be ending my day with something special made the day not so special. I ended my day with tears on my face which I thought wouldn't even happen. But it did. I wanna thank that person for making me feel so down tonight. You wanna make me remember you through this? Well, you're making me hate you through this. I am sorry if this is how it turned out. I just can't believe that you will be the one to start my 20th year sad and down.

Well, I guess I better end it all up here. I don't want to make myself down anymore. I mean, so down that would reach the core of the earth.

~dec. 09, 2011 unforgetable shit in my life :)

Moving on...

2011-10-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's like 3 years already and I still didn't wake up to the reality. I got hurt a couple of times, I cried a couple of times, I was stressed because of thinking so deep for a couple of times, and yet I'm still here holding on to something/someone I can't have for the rest of my life. How sad my life is. Or should I say, love life. LOL.

Honestly? I find it unfair at my side. But maybe he feels unfair for some reasons. I find it unfair, why? Because I got tired a lot of times and told him about that and yet when he comes near me, talks to me, asks me out, I still go. But why now, he said he's tired, and I ask for a chance, he didn't give me that chance. Why? That's what I kept on thinking the past three days. That's what's bothering me everytime that I think of him. Well, I think of him all time actually. So, yeah. I always feel bothered by it.

Yes, I do still love him. I still have feelings for him. I still want him. I still need him. I still like him. I really do still love him. I don't know if he still feel the same way. But with how he acts in front of me, and maybe behind my back, I think it's different from what I am feeling right now. Hard right? Wow. Nikki, I didn't know why you became weak when it comes to him. You used to be a strong lady that won't let anyone or anything make you feel down because you're strong like stone. How come when it's about him, you're heart just drops? This is not you. This is not the "you" before. You changed a lot. You became a lot weaker than before. It seems like you're gonna cry everytime you two will fight or will have a misunderstanding. Well, actually, you are crying everytime that happens.

What am I doing the past nights after that "boundary" thing happened? First night, I cried of course. Cried till I went to sleep. Second night, I slept early just to forget the thought that it's over. Third night, I thought of it but went to sleep early. Tonight, Idk. It depends on what's playing on my playlist. Whew. My feelings will depend on what song is playing. LOL.

I don't want to leave this thing yet. I'll leave if he tells me that he doesn't love me anymore. But if he still doesn't give me a signal that he doesn't love me anymore, I'll still continue to love him as far as I could. 3 years. It's a long way already. I still can go further. I think I still can.

#PrayforthePhilippines

2011-09-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

My place is not that affected of flood or landslides or any other harmful disaster that Pedring brought to the Philippines. We just had a non-stop rain, non-stop wind. But that doesn't mean that I don't have to worry. There are people around the Philippines who left their houses because they have to evacuate. If they don't, something worse will happen to them.

Good thing there are people who has a heart to help other people even though it is really dangerous to go out of the heavy rain and dangerous floods. I admire these people. even those reporters who are still doing their job despite of the heavy weather. Doing their job just to tell the other people what is happening around the country.

Even though I can't do anything, anything like head to the places where there are floods just to help those people who were stranded. All that I can do is to pray for my country. I was on my twitter page and then I saw #PrayforthePhilippines, trending worldwide. I would like to thank the people who did that.

So, guys, please #PrayforthePhilippines that the chaos that Pedring gave us will be gone as soon as possible so that the lives of the people will be back to normal. #PrayforthePhilippines that the country will be safe for the rest of the year. But not only for the Philippines, also for the whole world. :)

Stay when you're in love. Not when you're happy.

2011-09-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

Being in love is way to different from being happy with someone special. Both of them could be special, but they do not have the same intense feeling. (I just said intense. wow.) Well, what I meant was, one has a different feeling from the other. I'm pretty sure everyone knows that. (unless you're numb?)

Anyways, why am I blogging this anyway? Hm? Why? Oh, yeah! I remember!

"Don't love me for fun, girl. Let me be the one, girl. Love me for a reason, let the reason be love"

-Love Me for A Reason - Boyzone

This evening, Friday, 09/16/2011, me and a very close friend went to Timezone, Greenbelt. Just for some fun. Although I said to myself that I'll stop singing, we still went for a videoke. Sang songs, chose songs randomly. Then the random choice of song was Love me for a reason. We entered it in the machine because we both like the song. Then the friend suddenly said one shocking line. "You should sing this part to you-know-who". And that you-know-who is someone that was once special to me. Was once. I don't know now. Lol. Maybe, still, but not that special anymore. He gave me a lot of pain how will he still become SO special? I'm not an idiot to stay that long in that complicated situation. Hoho~

She added, "...don't let him love you for fun only!". Such a lovable friend, right? Haha!

Well, anyways, she's right and she has a damn point!

Every memory will be blurred from now on.

Love for talent...

2011-09-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to be singing. Everytime that there are some occasions like birthdays or feasts, the videoke machine was always part of the preparation. I've always wanted to have that everytime there is an occasion. I would kneel down to the elders just to rent one. Whenever the machine was turned on, I already have songs listed on a paper so that it'll be easy for me to enter those codes. My cousins would even choose songs and then let me sing it, even though songs I don't know.

High School Musical, and Glee were the shows that made me love singing more. Thanks to the musical concept of it. If it wasn't for those shows, I think I'll just be singing and singing without having any heart in it. I admit it. I sometimes just sing it without any feelings it, without even feeling it. That's why sometimes I'm finding it hard to get the feeling of the song because I don't even put my heart into it. But as soon as I watched these shows, I learned a lot from them. Then tried them. It felt good. Really felt good. It's like the song is all about me and my life. I thank these shows so much for teaching me without even knowing.

But, I think I'm ending up this singing career.

I love it. I really do. But lately, everytime there are choir practices at school, my voice just cracks in the middle of songs. I don't know if it's because of my cough but before I got sick, I already felt those cracks. I don't know what happened. I still can sing actually. I'm just afraid that it'll get worse like what I can see on those movies.

I can still dance. Not unless I'll get my legs injured. Lol. Just kidding. Anyways, I think I'll just end it up first. It depends on the people around if they really want me to do so. I still sing, don't worry. But I don't think I'll use my voice a lot like before. I sing at intermissions, I sing alone at home, and sing a lot of songs at the videoke.

I'll just stop it first. I don't know when will I have the confidence to start over again but, I'll just try my best. ;)

If you can't save the relationship, at least save the friendship.

2010-07-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

One of the best line from the movie "Paano na kaya" starring Kim Chui and Gerald Anderson. I'd watched this in the cinema and after a month or two, I downloaded the movie then watched it again here in my laptop.

Why was this post created? It's because I want to share something for everyone. Because actually, I'm feeling so depressed right now. Maybe not really depressed but a bit lonely instead.

Most of you, I bet, knew the song Paano na kaya. Right? This song was so meaningful. Every single line of the song has a big meaning. And this song had become one of my favorites the past years ago.

Now, I just want to share somethings that could help us all. Firstly, what is the best thing to do when we girls feel so alone that we don't know what should our decision will be? Example is when you and the boy has some misunderstandings that had lead to breaking up the bond between the two of you, between being friends. Here I think are some questions that we girls should be asking ourselves.

Do I love him?
What would be the consequences of my decisions?
Would there still be communication with what I will be deciding?
Can I handle that decision?
Would I regret it?
Will I be happy with it?

I don't know if we can answer all these. But I guess, it will all be fine and will work out whenever all of these questions were answered.

Yes. This is very hard for us. It is also hard for him. But if that decision is worth it for the future, then go. But if you think that this will affect a lot to the future, go over and think again. Ask for some advices to those of your friends who are very close to you. They would help a lot.

I hope this helped.

Finally.

2009-07-19T07:08:00.000-07:00

Why? haha. Ngayon lang kase ako nakapagblog ulit dito, and it was quite exciting naman. hahaha. I didn't know na nabubulok na pala ang blog ko na ito. hahaha. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just... just... ahhh! Whatever.

Anyways, finally. Finally we're now SOPHOMORES! haha. After four semesters in school. Why four? Tri-Sem po kasi kame. That is why ganyan. Napakatagal ng isang year sa school namen. Try to think about it. 10 months per sem. Then, 4 sems per year. Hindi ba matagal na ng sobra sobra yan? Right? argh! Siguro, kung talagang magmamadali ka na makagraduate ng college, magttyaga ka talaga. haha. At least, 3 years and a half, tpos ka na. KUNG wala kang nabagsak na subject. haha. Hindi sa nananakot ako ah. But it's true. Affected buong stay mo kung may ibinagsak ka. Specially kung MAJOR Subjects mo pa iyon. Nakakalungkot isipin pero totoo po talaga. hahaha.

So what else? hmmmm. With the word "finally". Finally! I'm being good. Hindi naman ibig sabihin niyan eh masama na kong tao. What I wanted to say is that, nagiging good girl na ko sa mga Titas' ko. haha. Medyo nagiging malapit pa ko. Kung dati eh hindi ako pinapayagan lumaboy with my hs friends, ngayon, sige lang. haha. pero of course, hindi ako aabuso. Sana. hahaha.

Wala na kong masabe. Ang masasabi ko nalang eh, nabitin ako sa story ng Harry Potter. haha. I don't know. Basta parang bitin siya eh. haha. Well. I don't wanna elaborate pa. SPOiLER na ko nyan. hahaha.

Why am I afraid to LOVE again?

2009-06-24T02:51:00.000-07:00

Why, oh why? i don't have any idea. One thing that i know why i don't want to be in a relationship is because of what we call "pain". I'm not actually saying that "Love" is equal to "Pain". But i think that's one reason that i'm afraid of getting hurt.

So? Is this the true reason why I am still single? I guess not.

Maybe there are still other reasons why I'm afraid. "Pain" is just one reason that I know. So how could I be confident and not be afraid to love again.

I can't think of any other reasons. I just wanted to point out that right now, at this point of time, I'm experiencing love again. But I just don't want to. :|

Danny Gokey. The next American Idol?

2009-04-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was watching American Idol, i was really not that interested in finding who my Idol could be. I didn't care who will win and what will be his/her life after the show. Until I found the first Idol hopeful that i do really idolized since he started. It was on Season 8 and his name was David Archuleta.

David, a young Idol that caught up my attention because of his amazing high voice. I really do love how he sings. How he feels the song his singing. And, most of the comments from the judges that he receives are truly positive, except for Simon Cowell. But we can't do nothing. He says the truth.

As Season 7 went to the finals, of course, we all know who won. David Cook. But for me, even though I'm not so into Cook, I see them as the winners, both of them. They're both great and amazing. They really have the quality and personality to be an American Idol.

As I was waiting for Season 8, i was telling myself if I could find another Idol hopeful that I really would cheer on. Then i was watching the chosen 36 Idols, looking for only one Idol. And here I found Danny Gokey. 28 y.o from Milwaukee. His voice is really amazing for me. And I know that Paula Abdul is one of his fans.

Everytime Danny performs on stage, I really do enjoy his performance. How he sings and feel the song. Though there are still some negative comments, but I know he can change. I know he has the strength to make all of the judges and even America agree with his performance.

The finals is nearly coming and i hope he will be in the Top 3, and of course, The Next American Idol. :D